Jennie Finch has a fantasy advice column on ESPN.com. Perhaps I should clarify. It is not a column for advice about just any garden-variety fantasy, like the fantasy where Janet Reno dresses up like Wonder Woman, takes off your clothes and ties you up, and throws spoonfuls of green jello at your naked body. Jennie has a fantasy baseball advice column.
The part I don't understand is, why do people send e-mails to Jennie Finch asking for fantasy sports advice? Does Jennie, a marginally attractive (yes, marginally; see photo) softball player, know more about baseball than I do? Does Jennie know more about baseball than a trained monkey does? (Whether or not I know more about baseball than a trained monkey will be addressed in my upcoming blog entry, to be posted on the First of Never.)
Let's check Jennie's ESPN web page to see if her qualifications are listed there, shall we?
"Jennie went 2-0 as a member of the 2004 USA Softball team that won the gold medal." Totally irrelevant, but if I need a fantasy softball update for Cat Osterman I know who to ask. Could come in handy.
"Jennie is married to Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Casey Daigle." Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher is a pretty liberal description of a guy who has a 6.64 ERA and a .354 opponent's batting average against for the AAA Tucson Sidewinders. But Daigle is apparently 6'5" and 248 lbs, so I might want to be a little careful what I say about him, his terrible statistics, or his gargantuan behemoth of a wife. Note for the record that this little rant has nothing to do with Jennie advising me to trade Randy Johnson after a few good starts, me ignoring that advice, and Randy's current extended stay on the DL. Because that never happened.
This leads me to a larger issue. Who gives a crap what any of these talking heads in sports says? I've been listening to ESPN radio in the morning (mainly because it feels wrong to watch porn at such an early hour), and this guy named Colin Cowherd starts naming his top 10 college football programs of the last 10 years. And, inexplicably, people start calling in to argue with this guy. "I think you have Tennessee ranked too low, their record was such-and-such in 1998." So what? What's the point? Does Cowherd vote for the BCS or something? Is there a cash prize for being ranked in Colin Cowherd's top 10 that is split among all alumni of the schools that make it?
Some things in life just aren't "value added." People who call in to radio talk shows. Hugh Jackman. This blog.
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