Early Morning Rants

Random thoughts and bon mots, in no particular order. Think of it as my own version of the Three Dot Lounge...

Fettkrieg 2: Attack of the Scones may be funnier than Fettkrieg 2: The Wrath of Flan...

The best song of 2006 was "You Only Live Twice" by the Strokes...

The best new drinking game of 2005 was "Saddam of Death" by 860-D Macarthur...

I hate signs and people that use the phrase "ATM Machine." It is either an ATM or an AT Machine...

Ditto people that use PIN numbers...

The dialogue of the most recent three Star Wars movies is terrible, but if you go back to the original trilogy, the dialogue is nearly as bad. The dialogue in the Indiana Jones triolgy, on the other hand, is not terrible and holds up over time. And yet George Lucas was prominently involved in both projects. I can only assume Lucas didn't write the Indy films...

If you were going to start a fantasy baseball site, the only stories you'd need to write would be (1) hitters tend to break out at age 27, and (2) don't panic and trade high round picks that start slow...

You get your meal for free at Panda Express if they don't give you the receipt to ensure the receipt is always printed out (i.e. that the cashier actually rings up the sale and doesn't pocket your money). It has nothing to do with your satisfaction...

As much as I like what he did for the Patriots, I can't stand to hear Adam Vinatieri constantly referred to as The Greatest Clutch Kicker in NFL History...

However, I should be referred to as The Greatest Late Night Blogger in Internet History...

I am really annoyed by the phrase "the scary part is..."

I am equally annoyed by the phrase "has only scratched the surface..."

The scary part is, I've only scratched the surface of how annoyed I can be...

There is nothing funnier than a room full of white people dancing to hip hop music...

In Old School, the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival took place on Thursday night, per the flyer on the tree outside Mitch's house. But when Spanish is trying to get Frank the Tank to funnel a beer, Frank's initial excuse for not doing so is that he's busy the next day: "a pretty good little Saturday. Going to go to Home Depot, maybe Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know. I don't know if we'll have time." So, was the party on Thursday or Friday? Was Frank smart enough to realize that it was after midnight, and therefore the next day? And what about Elisha Cuthbert's character having to leave for class? Does she mean Friday classes, or is she in summer school?

My hump island consists of Elisha Cuthbert, Charlize Theron, Jessica Alba, Carla Gugino and Keira Knightley. For now...

It bothers me when middle initials are used as part of someone's name (Michael J. Fox) but not when the first name is abbreviated (J. Edgar Hoover)...

I really hate it when people have cell phone conversations in places where people around them can't help but hear the conversation - places like BART trains, buses, restaurants, the doctor's office, etc. I'll text message (and this explains the occasional barrages of text messages from me) but won't talk on the phone in these situations, and I wish other people would do the same...

Sometimes when I'm a captive audience (BART trains, buses, the doctor's office, on the john, etc.) I will look at the entertainment section of the newspaper and play a little game I like to call the "F*ck Game." To play this game, you need the cable TV listings for the day. You go to the movie section, and play the game for each movie channel (e.g. HBO, Cinemax, Showtime). Starting from the left, you are allowed to look only at the first movie listed for that channel (the listings are usually for primetime, so there are generally about 3-4 movies listed). Then, you must decide if you would have sex with someone in that movie or show, or whether you pass on that listing (once you pass, you can't come back to it) and look at the next movie and make the same choice. If you haven't selected anyone by the time you get to the last movie or show, you must choose someone from that movie or show. It's kind of like Deal or No Deal, or getting married - do I take the sure thing, or hold out for something potentially better? There is some real strategy involved in this game. For instance, suppose it is a Friday and the first Cinemax movie listed is Demoltion Man. Now, you might normally be inclined to choose Sandra Bullock from this movie and end the round. But this being a Friday, you can be pretty sure that a Hotel Erotica or The Best Sex Ever will be on later that night so you can probably get away with passing and hoping that Pirates of the Carribbean will be on, confident in your fallback position. But sometimes you end up screwing yourself this way; say you're on HBO and you passed on Blind Date because you want to try for something better than an "80's hot" Kim Basinger, but the final listing is something like Oz or Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. Then you really end up screwing yourself (well, Bryant Gumbel actually)...