I'm sure Kark Hungus over at www.b-logjammin.blogspot.com will take me to task for this post. Heck, I don't even like this post. But what is done is done.
Back in the Bronze Age, I was pretty handy with the ladies. I am not exactly on what I'd call a hot streak right now, but in college, and again in SF post grad school and girlfriend, I did a little damage here and there. The back-to-back Bear's Lair Challenge comes to mind (Rusty my friend, you were a worthy adversary. I think you think you won, but I will go to my grave claiming the final score was 21-20 in my favor. In fact, I am having that engraved on my tombstone. I hope there will be enough room next to the first inscription I'm putting on there, which is "You Should See The Other Guy"). There is also the time when LRD and I pulled about 6 chicks from City Tavern to the Gold Club (and I will freely admit here that LRD did all the heavy lifting on that one). And the "Lights Come On, Chicks Go Home" party we had during a blackout at Cal. I would rather not discuss that one, but I can tell you that yes, indeed, one's judgment is impaired when one is hopped up on room temperature Rainer Red.
Anyhow, a theme that used to come up from time to time was what I'm going to refer to as the "JW theory" (not sure why I am not using my own last name, as this blog is not exactly anonymous). The JW theory is a bit of a misnomer. The idea was that some chicks seemed to like me, and some to the point of craziness (see, e.g. Boom-Boom), but anyone who took the time to think about it couldn't come up with a concrete reason why chicks might get that way. I mean, even I will admit that at times I have no real value-added qualities. So the JW theory was really more of an observation: this dude is moody, usually complaining about something, is pretty oblivious and/or inconsiderate, and there really isn't all that much that is appealing about him, at least from a personality standpoint. So, why do chicks seem to take an interest in this one? Heck, even in Sacramento I did a fair amount of hooking up purely by accident.
Some chicks took a stab at explaining the JW theory. One recurrent theme was that JW needed to be taken care of, or he would wander in front of a bus - sort of a "wounded animal" thing, possibly like Mitch Martin being re-released out into the wild. However, I don't think that's it. I have my own theory. And it's not that I am an especially good kisser or anything, though I am often told that I am (thanks Mom). I think the following might be another reason.
There are some things I know that a lot of guys don't know, or won't admit to knowing, that chicks care about. In Oakland, I worked in an law firm with 2 other guys, and about 10 women. The 2 other guys were partners in the firm, and I was a first-year associate, so we didn't exactly socialize. Which left me alone with 10 women in the conference room at times. And when women get together and there aren't enough dudes in the room, they talk about chick things. Things like a shoe sale at DSW. Different moisturizers. Sex in the City.
So, I learned that if I wanted to participate at all in these conversations, I'd need to be able to contribute something. I don't use moisturizer, and DSW rarely has any strappy shoes in my size. So I started watching Sex in the City. I think there was some intrinsic entertainment value to the show, but this was exceeded by the value of being able to drop Carrie references into conversations. In college, these shows were 90210 and Melrose Place. Sure, we used to get a bunch of booze and jello shots and what not and watch the shows, but we watched them. And we invited chicks over to drink and watch them. Our plan being to share the experience with the chicks, then hook up with them.
Why does this matter? Lately, I've been watching two shows that I would consider chick research shows. These shows are Grey's Anatomy and American Idol. Now, I actually enjoy certain episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and I have a bit of a thing for the blonde chick on that show. At its core, however, it is a crappy TV show, even if it is well-made crap. American Idol is a little tougher to watch by yourself. With another person its fine, and with a Tivo its fine. Thanks to the miracle of Tivo, you can catch the performances and judges' comments for an hour show in about 20 minutes. I have had several conversations in the clubs downtown that centered around American Idol. Might I have been able to steer the conversation somewhere else? Maybe. But I knew something about American Idol, and that kept me in the game. You have to keep in mind that I am not running into rocket surgeons and brain scientists around here as often as I'd like to.
The problem I've really got is this: between Grey's, Idol, the Office, PTI and Hotel Erotica, I don't have much more mental or digital capacity for TV shows. My Tivo can't record much more, as I'm currently sitting on HD versions of Apocolypse Now Redux, Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet, Walk the Line, and Cinderella Man. Finally freed up some space by watching the Arrested Development finale, but not enough. So, I'm stretched about as thinly as I can be, and then ABC goes and starts a new season of the Bachelor. I don't know how I'm going to keep track of that one. But ever since I was walking home in SF one night and heard a group of drunk girls across the street talking about how great Ryan is, how he's sensitive and writes poetry and crap, and he really, really, really loves Trista, and how there aren't really guys like that, I knew that chicks cared about this show. And therefore, I should care about this show. Or at least know about it.
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