Backside to the Future

I received an interesting e-mail today. It was from Marci812. The subject line read: "21/f... You wanna chat?" Based on the e-mail, I gather that Marci is new to town and thought she'd trying something new to meet people. She's a little nervous to be on there but she figures you only live once. If I get bored, I am to cum find her.

This is really similar to an e-mail I received from Lisa2981. In fact, it was exactly the same! Verbatim! And they both came from the same e-mail address: return@www.paid-product1.com! I bet you these two hotties are roommates, and they're too poor to afford their own e-mail addresses! They're probably desperate and would do anything for money! I am seeing a threesome in my future - JW, Marci812 and Lisa2981. Sweet!

But there is, as always, a catch. You see, Marci's e-mail is dated August 1, 2037. That e-mail won't even be sent for another 30 years, and if Marci812 sent it today, she did so when she was -9 years old! I haven't brushed up on my statutory rape law, but I am assuming sex with a -9 year old is against some kind of law, like maybe the laws of physics.

Now I'm afraid I'm going to end up disappointing Marci and Lisa. Regardless of the advances that are made in Viagra technology between now and 2037, I am just not certain that at age 65 I will be able to keep up with these two girls. The only logical thing to do is fill up a DeLorean with some plutonium, accelerate to 88 MPH and travel forward 30 years into Marci and Lisa's waiting arms. And someone does park a DeLorean in my parking structure. This is foolproof...