The Curse

I have this idea in my head about how my fantasy drafts go. Specifically, it seems like the first pitcher I take always shits the bed. Since CBS Sportsline keeps track of several years' worth of drafts, let's have a look and see if this fantasy postulate holds true.

Year: 2002
Team: Jackie Treehorn Presents Logjammin'

First pitcher taken: Chan Ho Park (3rd round)
Prior year stats: 1.17 WHIP, 3.50 ERA, 15-11, 8.5 K/9

Comment: Park was signed by the Rangers as a free agent for some ludicrous amount like $15M per year for 5 years. I figured his ERA would rise a bit, but so would his win total since the Rangers had a much more potent offense. I was right about the rise in ERA at least. Ended up at 9-8 with a 5.75 ERA, and did not even attempt any flying scissor-kicks on opposing pitchers.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Year: 2003
Team: A Team of Extraordinary Gentlemen

First pitcher taken: Robb Nen (4th round)
Prior year stats: 1.14 WHIP, 2.20 ERA, 6-2, 43 saves, 9.9 K/9

Comment: Nen was coming off an All-Star year. He was also coming off shoulder surgery, and didn't pitch an inning that year, after reports in spring training that he was fine. It seems that Dusty Baker blew out Nen's arm while the Giants blew the 2002 World Series to the Angels. Should have been tipped off by the fact that the radar gun was off when he appeared in the final exhibition games, at Pac Bell Park.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Year: 2004
Team: Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law

First pitcher taken: Kerry Wood (2nd round)
Prior year stats: 1.19 WHIP, 3.20 ERA, 14-11, 11.3 K/9

Comment: The two previous years were injury-free, but those were Dusty Baker "Leave 'em out there until their arms fall off" years. Wood got hurt in 2004 and ended up at 8-9, 3.72. For further evidence of the Dusty Baker Effect, see Prior, Mark (2002 - present). Oh, what I would have given to achieve healthy Wood in 2004.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Year: 2005
Team: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Draft Picks

First pitcher taken: Curt Schilling (1st round)
Prior year stats: 1.06 WHIP, 3.26 ERA, 21-6, 8.1 K/9

Comment: This fat fuck was coming off the "bloody sock" games of the playoffs and World Series, but was expected to be ready in time for the season. He was. If you consider 1.53 WHIP, 5.69 ERA, 8-8, 9 saves, 8.4 K/9 to be "ready." I was "ready" to punch my TV and/or computer monitor many times that year. Plus, Doug Mirabelli admitted that the blood on the sock was actually paint, so that obviously means that Schilling wasn't injured in 2005, but that he intentionally tanked to destroy my fantasy league chances. Yet another example of Curt being an asshole in a world filled with such examples.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Year: 2006
Team: Operation Shutdown

First pitcher taken: Bartolo Colon (2nd round)
Prior year stats: 1.16 WHIP, 3.48 ERA, 21-8, 6.3 K/9, Cy Young award

Comment: This fat fuck was injured in the World Baseball Classic and stunk up the joint to the tune of 1-5, 5.11 ERA before mercifully being shut down. Note that I was picking at the end of the 2nd round, and my first pick in the 3rd round was Rich Harden, who pitched well when he did pitch but was pretty much a similarly spectacular failure on the whole.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Year: 2007
Team: Don Imus's Nappy Headed Hos

First pitcher taken: Jason Schmidt (6th round)
Prior year stats: 1.26 WHIP, 3.59 ERA, 11-9, 7.6 K/9

Comment: This other fat fuck came out of spring training throwing 84 MPH, and ended up making 6 starts (1-4, 1.79 WHIP, 6.31 ERA) before being shut down for season-ending shoulder surgery. At least he raised his K/9 to 7.7, the ungrateful prick. And the joke is on him, since I traded him for Julio Lugo right before he was shut down. Actually, the joke might still be on me for making that trade.

Verdict: Shit the bed.

Overall First Pitcher Shitting the Bed Percentage: 100%. The Curse is legit!

Note to self: Don't draft pitchers.
Footnote to self: If you must draft pitchers, draft Yankee pitchers.