Cloak and Dater

I was chatting with one of the chicks I work with today. She has been kind of a dating machine of late, if she is to be believed. (Note that this is not the 9/4 chick, who has since moved on to other pastures.) I think she's told me about 5 different dates with at least 3 different guys in the past week, including a one-night trip to Vegas to meet an ex-boyfriend who flew out from the east coast, and this was followed by a Sunday day date, where I think the guy even picked her up at the airport. Slut. But nothing "happened" in Vegas, according to this chick. Notwithstanding the fact that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I think she's really trying to sell it as nothing having happened. Because it happens so often that people who used to sleep together fly to from opposite coasts into an environment where drinking and risk-taking are commonplace and in fact the whole place is designed to encourage that behavior, and two exes just end up just hanging out as friends. I can't remember the exact quote, but there used to be a radio commercial for a TV show where a guy and a girl are having a conversation. They had slept together before, and I think were going on a trip together. The girl was saying that they weren't going to sleep together on the trip. The guy says something like "When two people who have had sex have the opportunity to have sex again, they're going to have sex, unless the sex sucked the first time. And sex with you didn't suck." Since I can't remember who said this quote, I may just refer to him from here on out as My Hero.

Anyhow, this chick let slip that, although she is dating a bunch of guys, when one of her dates leaves the room and his cell phone is laying on the table, she'll pick up the phone and look at the list of recently dialed numbers. If there are any girls on that list, she'll confront him with the information. Forget for a moment that this sort of behavior is completely BS, and is tantamount to a girl reading your email if you accidentally leave your account logged in, or opening your postal mail if you leave it out on the counter - checking the cell phone is apparently Standard Operating Procedure for chicks. I once had a roommate whose girlfriend accused him of cheating based on his cell phone call history. Turns out she was right to be suspicious, even though this roommate was able to explain the girl away as a college friend.

But the important question is, as always, how does this relate to my life? Well, I'll tell you. I have been dating two girls recently, and have something of a "friend with benefits" on the side. This is apparently the San Diego way of dating, though going from dating zero people, it has taken some getting used to. I don't tell lies, but I don't know which one I told which story to, so I am a little afraid of how often I might be repeating myself. Here's a quick snapshot of these chicks:

Exhibit A, nickname "Two." Age 27. Tall, athletic, pretty hot, funny, a lot of fun, and just got a dog. She is a bad e-mailer though, which is important to me. She is also a little passive and I often have to carry conversation, and we all know me carrying conversation is not a good idea. Fun girl, up for anything, but a little difficult to see anything developing long term. Mostly because she won't sleep with me.

Exhibit B, nickname "Myspace Girl." Age 33. Not quite as tall and athletic as Two, but still tall and athletic. Hotter than Two. Smart, and a good e-mailer, but a little boring, owns two cats, and shares a first name with one of the girls in my social group. Mitigating these issues, she is a big fan of the NFL, blackjack, and bar sports. She has great long-term potential, assuming I can get her to open up a bit.

Exhibit C, nickname "F*ck Buddy." Age 37. Shorter than the others. Very nice but could use a dose of self-confidence. Has a J-Lo type body that is built for naughtiness. Probably the best conversationalist of the three, and likes doing crossword puzzles. Got out of a long-term relationship recently and really wants to be in another one, which is a bit off-putting. Also, seems to like me, a strong indicator of mental instability.

The point of all this? That I have called or texted each of these chicks recently. And that when I go indoors, one of the first things I do is empty my pockets out onto the table. (I used to work with a guy who said one of their interviewees emptied his pockets onto the interviewer's table when the interview started. He was not hired, oddly enough.) And so it would be very easy for any one of these girls to pick up my cell phone and see the names of other girls. I don't have an exclusive arrangement with any of these girls and have never represented that I do, and thus far there has been no overlap as far as knowing any of them Biblically so I do not feel too bad about seeing all of them. However, I'd rather not answer any questions about who is A, or B, or C, if I don't have to.

The solution? For now, I've changed their names to a similar dude name. (Dr. Freud to Those Aren't Pillows Blog, Code Blue!) For example, "Martha" Stewart becomes "Mark" Stewart. However, I see flaws in this solution. First, one might wonder why "Mark" Stewart is sending me booty texts, and whether there really is a "Martha" at all. Secondly, if she snoops in my phone, "Martha" is going to wonder why her name has been entered as "Mark" and may well figure out that "Gene" and "Fred" are actually "Gina" and "Frieda." I guess the better solution would be to go to last names, but I have at least three sets of people in my phone that have the same last name so that won't really work. Plus, I didn't know the last name of Myspace Girl until earlier today. Assuming other women will eventually join the privileged few that are in my cell phone, I can't rely on the last name approach since this often isn't learned until later in the relationship, and I think entering someone as "UCSD Chick," "German Chick" or "Sidebar Chick" (all have been in my phone at one time or another) kind of defeats the purpose. For now, it will be "Mark," "Gene" and "Frieda," with the alternative being that I dial 10 different numbers right before I see any of these chicks. So if I call you around 8pm on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday, now you'll know why. Or maybe I can just erase my recently called list. I have a "smart" phone, and I'm sure they must have these sorts of features built in for the polyamorous among us. If not, this could be another million dollar idea in the making.