Sunday, October 21, 2007

Jenna 6

I am vaguely aware of the "Jena 6," which I believe is the media's name for a group of black students charged with beating a white student at a southern high school following the hanging of a noose or two from a tree on the school's campus. And that is the extent to which I will write about the Jena 6. Social commentary and intelligent, relevant thought are for suckers.

The Jenna 6 is a collection of celebrity and semi-celebrity chicks named Jenna, ranked in order of attractiveness for your viewing pleasure.

6. Jenna Bush

The daughter of President / Monkey George W. Bush, Jenna Bush is apparently 26 years old or so. I thought she had done some modeling, but based on an internet search (and even more based on looking at her picture) that apparently is not true. Some chick named Lauren Bush seems to be a fashion model and is related to our Presimonkey somehow, and she is a bit hotter than Jenna. I guess Jenna is pretty cute in a "Wouldn't it be cool to bone the President's daughter" sort of way, but that's about all she does for me. Her fraternal twin Barbara, also seen in the photo, looks like she might be a little nugget, even though Barbara is an old woman's name (as is Ruth).

5. Jenna Fischer

Here's Jenna Fischer from "The Office." She has something of a dark side on that show, and apparently shows it off a bit in this Blades of Glory film. However, I am a little behind on my Will Ferrell movie viewing, considering I haven't seen Elf yet, so I haven't seen BOG either. Jenna is pretty plain Jane looking, but it is unclear how much of that is her TV character. I am guessing that if you lived in a small town, you'd think Jenna is really hot, so that is good casting. But I doubt you'd notice her if you were walking in LA on Sunset Boulevard on a Sunday afternoon. Which you wouldn't be doing in the first place since (according to Missing Persons) Nobody Walks in LA. As for this Jenna, I could take it or leave it, and right now I'm leaning toward "leave it." Now if I could just get her to quit calling me.

4. Jenna Presley

Jenna Presley is an, um, "adult" film star. By that I do not mean that she is an adult who stars in films. She doesn't make this list because she is particularly attractive, and in fact I am no big fan of her work. I certainly don't like girls with tattoos, which sort of limits my choices when it comes to adult film viewing. I also don't like any sort of interracial adult films, and I am not a huge fan of lesbianism either, which leaves me with like 3 adult movies I can watch. But the thing about Jenna is that she is from San Diego, and you need to pimp the locals. More importantly, she has posted some comedy gold on what is apparently her official website. (Link is probably ok for work viewing, but still not a good idea. Besides, all the good stuff is reproduced below.)

"I was born and raised in San Diego, California on April 1, 1987."

Now, I know the life of a porn star can prematurely age you, but she was born AND raised in one day?

"I was a strait A student in high school"

Oh dear. No Child Left Behind, please meet your party at the curb.

3. Jenna Elfman

It's Dharma from Dharma and Greg! I think the TV People have tried to keep this Jenna in the spotlight a bit, as I can sort of recall some failed shows starring this chick after D&G was mercifully cancelled. This doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but I remember seeing a TV ad for a celebrity golf tournament, and the announcer was pimping the celebs that would be playing. So, they would show Robert Wagner, and say "Robert Wagner!" and show Corbin Bernsen and say "Corbin Bersen!" etc. Anyway, they end up showing this tool and the TV voice announces him as "Greg from Dharma and Greg!" So this poor bastard was technically a celebrity, but not well known enough that they'd actually use his name in promotionals. Not that I feel too badly for him, since he's probably piled more chicks on this Jenna list than I have. But lets get back to Jenna Elfman. She's actually a little hotter in that picture than I remember her. Certainly she's distinctive looking and can look a little scary from time to time, but let's give her a thumbs up for now.

2. Jenna Dewan

Jenna Dewan is your typical pretty darned attractive, up and coming actress who will probably get lost in the shuffle and end up doing voice work for video games. She is not the hottest thing on the planet by any means, but on this list of Jennas she certainly deserves this spot and maybe even the top ranking, since the Jenna in the top spot is a little too obvious. If the internet is to be believed, Jenna dated Justin Timberlake for some period of time. My Mom has actually partied with JT - it is kind of a long story but the gist of it is that she was in Orlando at a convention and there was a buzz in the restaurant that N'Sync was there. My Mom's boyfriend, not being the shy type, apparently yells out "Hey N'Sync! Come over here and let me buy you some shots!" I guess JT was impressed by this, and the band members that were over 21 went and had some Patron shots with the boyfriend. JT said that people usually don't buy them drinks, but that it is the other way around, and invited them to a party later that night. Apparently my Mom and her boyfriend went, and got into the club but were denied access to the VIP area where JT and the rest of the band were. However, JT saw them getting hassled, and went over and told the security people to let them in. According to eyewitnesses, this VIP room was about 80% female, and about 79.5% balls hot female. I will never forgive my Mom for not calling me - I could have been on a plane and met them in like 6 hours. But where were we? Oh yeah, Jenna Dewan is hot.

1. Jenna Jameson

I actually don't like porn stars all that much. I think it would be a turnoff to meet one in person, and regardless of how they look physically I think they lose about 2 points on the 10 scale due to their profession. Maybe I would just be overpowered by a porn star's sexuality and be into it, but I think I wouldn't want anything to do with one, issues with disappointing them aside - it just kind of creeps me out. After seeing the Pam Anderson / Tommy Lee video, I never really found Pam attractive after that, even though she is often cited as some female ideal as far as beauty. I think Hannah Harper (again, maybe acceptable for the office but probably not) is about the hottest porn star out there, but since this post isn't about the Hannah 6, we are stuck with Jenna. There is a pretty interesting Biography on Jenna on A&E, and I think she's been on some shows like Bill O'Reilly to defend the porn industry. She is supposedly really smart and has built quite a little porn empire, and I know she also appears on Howard Stern's show with some regularity. I didn't want to give her the top spot, but I think she deserves it if we are basing the order solely on the photos I've included. So, here she is. If you don't think she should be here, drop me a line and I'll refund your money.

No comments: